nothing left me to feel

I spend many a night wondering if the lightning storm in my head will stay long enough so I can translate these thoughts to page. I actuallly attempt it but it bothers me that I still have to log in and press a couple buttons before I can start moving my fingers. I'd write it in my moleskine but my hands can't move as fast as my brain can. I wish I could just spout off some beautiful prose but I think I'm starting to understand and trying to get comfortable with the fact that I don't have that talent, that my writing is certainly more grounded, real, formed, not necessarily like beautifully, carelessly constructed.

I don't read enough books. I think that's why I think so many people write better than me. It's because they read more. I don't feel like I can pay enough attention to anything for a long time. I'm wondering if it's because I'm bored, or it's because I have attention-deficet disorder or something. Maybe I should get tested. Yeah, maybe I'll do that. Wait, no, I'm too lazy. Effin a.

I'm trying to learn the entire Sleater-Kinney catalog before Lolla. I want to know everything so I can sing along with every last fucking note at their final show. I liked them before and now I just want to.. rock out.. And I'm a guy. So If I started a sentence with "And". Blow me.

It's time to go to bed. But I'm not tired. I just keep rocking side to side as If I'm on some kind of drug or like a toddler trying to entertain themselves.

I'll never be as good as the rest of you so I'll settle for this.

Love,

Brendo