two minutes ago you said this was the best night of your life

Wow, I'm so bored.

At Jordan's.

Fever Pitch is on the TV.

Don't know what's going on tonight.

I hope something good.

I wish I had that wonderful talent to just put my fingers to the keyboard and spin out some beautiful prose. But I can't. I thought I was a hotshot writer, but I really was nothing special at all. Instead, I settle for poorly formed sentences and half baked ideas. I hope the upcoming semester changes all of that.

I'm so excited to be going back to Chicago. I miss taking the red line. I miss walking around at night. Especially in the fall. There was something really magical about that. Going back to Loyola will be fun. I love that place. I don't remember a lot about my classes when I was down there, but my god, It always felt like a party when I went out. I can't relive the past, but I can make one hell of a future for myself . This is really my year. I've worked hard to get to this really peaceful place, and I couldn't be happier.

i'm just thinking...

It's a Saturday night and I'm sitting alone at a Panera in Elgin. I hate calling it Elgin cause Sleepy Hollow is right across the street.

Anyways, after repeated viewings of Clerks II (I've seen it twice with a third scheduled at around midnight tonight) and watching some assorted episodes of the Wonder Years on Youtube, I've been thinking a lot about my life and the point I've reached so far.

I'm 20 years old and I basically make a big deal on telling everyone that. That and the fact at the year's end I'll be 21. Have I reached all the expectations I thought I'd achieve by this age?

Absolutely not.

I'm without a job. I don't have a place of my own. I'm still at least twenty pounds overweight. I'm not having a real effect on my world. But at least I'm happy. Or think I'm happy.

I feel a lot like Dante in Clerks II. He's a guy that seems like he's always in conflict with what he's doing in his life and what he thinks he should be doing. He's all set to make the gigantic leap and leaving behind what's familiar. He seems all gung-ho about it, but you can't help but feel this undercurrent of doubt consuming him.

Randal makes a really profound point at the end of the movie by urging Dante to make the most of a life that 'makes sense to him' instead of doing something he 'thinks he should be doing' because he's getting older. I took real comfort in that. Should I be looking for some stupid ass job because I'm 'expected' to? Or should I wait it out and find something I really love?

I hope to make a good life for myself. I hope that I learn some really good things on the way. It's just scary because I don't know how I'm going to get there.... and if I do, will I be disappointed with the results?

any takers? hah..

I want something like this.

romance romance

Man, am I exhausted.

some lyrics that are pretty hopeful

I'm lost at sea, the radio is jamming, but they won't find me
I swear it's for the best, and then your frequency is pulling me in closer till I'm home
and I've been up for days, I finally lost my mind,
and then I lost my way, I'm blistered but I'm better
and I'm home

I will crawl, there's things that are worth giving up, I know, but I won't let this get me,
I will fight, you live the life you're given with the storms outside,
somedays all I do is watch the sky

This room's too small, it's only getting smaller, up against the wall,
I'm slowly getting taller, in this wonderland, your skin feels so familiar
and I'm home

I'll crawl, there's thing that are worth giving up I know, but I won't let this get me,
I will fight, you live the life you're given with the storms outside,
somedays all I do is watch the sky, and somedays
all I do is watch the sky

and I think I, I could use a little break
today was a good day
and I think I, I could use a little break,
but today was a good day

...and it's a deep sea, in which I'm floated, and still I sink to think that I must...

crawl, there's things that are worth giving up I know, when you can't bare to carry me,
I'll fight, you live the life you're given with the storms outside
and somedays all I do is watch the sky
today was a good day

- soco, 'watch the sky'

zidane is a beast

On another note, this is just insane. I don't think I need to say anything else.

Viva Italia!

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest was pretty fantastic. Okay, some of the action scenes could have been cut down, but overall, I enjoyed it. How about that ending? Chris Lindsey and I have decided it may be the best cliffhanger ending since The Empire Strikes Back. If you haven't already heard the rumored title for the third one is At World's End, and is due out May 25. It's going to be a pretty action-packed summer with Pirates 3, Spider Man 3, Transformers and Harry Potter 5.

Looks like Andy and I will be traveling to St. Louis alone for Lawrence Arms. I'm excited, it sort of fufills this road trip dream I've been holding on to for a while. I'm glad. I hope there's a lot to write home about.

I probably should be asleep now because I have to be at the store at 7:55 tomorrow morning. I'm tired, but not tired enough to go to bed. I just finished my long-delayed task of taking the clothes I have out of the laundry basket and hanging them on hangers. It's too bad I destroyed my closet after I fell into my yoga ball and snapped part of it in half. I think sometime soon I'm going to find a way to reassemble them.

I had a pretty comforting discussion with Nicole and Evan at four this morning about money. I sort of felt like I was the only one that was nearly broke: but it seems like most of my friends are. It's sad, our generation isn't going to be able to afford half the things our parents have because the job market is in such bad shape. Besides, how is it possible to save any decent amount of money when gas prices are well over three dollars a gallon? I'm lucky to have the job at the bookstore. It's not much, and sometimes it's embarassing to say that's my only job - but it's something. I'd like to have something else, but I think it's going to be pretty hard to find a job knowing I'm going away to school - which reminds me, I have to get cracking on that loan.

amputecture

De-Loused In The Comatorium is a wattershed record for this generation. Although not really that perfect, it's one I know I'll be name dropping in conversations about music I listened to in high school ten years from now. It's a sharp, kaleidosopic assembly of prog rock married with new millenium recording sensibilties. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Rick Rubin was essential to the band's early sound as the actual musicians were. Without him, I'd find it very hard to beleive that The Mars Volta would be viewed as anything more than ex At The Drive-In members who liked to play with their guitar pedals. With Rubin's guidance, came The Mars Volta's identity: The premiere musical experimentalists of this decade.

But then, two years later, the band attempted to eschew that by releasing a mindfuckingly boring concept album. Let's admit it. Frances the Mute sorta sucked. Besides L'Via L'Vazquez, and maybe, like the first five minutes of the last track, there wasn't much to write home about. Although the experiementation on the album may sound cool, the lack of a decently constructed track around it caused the album's quality to suffer big time.

So, I didn't have high hopes when I heard that a new record was coming out. I'm actually surprised in the turnaround time - Frances came out in March of last year, followed by a live album last fall - and here we are a little less than a year and a half later with a brand new studio record. A much, much, better studio record.

Produced by Omar Rodriguez-Lopez, the band's wunderkind (and almost solely responsible for the musical direction on the last album), Mars Volta's third LP a sharper, much colorful disc compared with their last one. Sure, nearly half the tracks on the album eclipse the ten minute point - but instead of your attention wondering elsewhere, you're completely engaged with the material. It's a rollercoaster. Predictabilty is out the window - where you think you can see where one idea is going, it immediately switches into something much more thrilling. Some songs are still a little half baked, like the leadoff single "Vermicide" and the opener "Vicareous Atonement", but this is certainly an improvement.

Without Rubin at the helm, I'm going to find it very hard to beleive that Volta will ever be able to make a record that will sustain my interest the entire way through - but with Amputecture, it comes pretty damn close.

The Mars Volta - Meccamputecture (13.08 mb, mp3)

if i pass around the station, where the lonesome engine travels by

Despite the minor anxieties I'm feeling tonight, I still find it important to take some time out and write a little before I go to bed.

I'm very lucky to have this life. I'm blessed with a truly great group of friends, a loving family (which I severely underappreciated for YEARS up until just recently) and I have the ability to live comfortably while others do not.

Isn't it great that every day can bring something absolutely amazing?

I've never verbalized this to anyone before, but whenever I'm feeling particularly lonely, I think that the next day I could meet someone really special. I beleive this. I really do.

That's all I've got.